Okay, this is going to possibly be TMI. So fair warning.
I recently shared this inside a private group where we were being challenged for 28 days to show up BOLDLY for life.
The story I shared with them that I want to now share with you, I did back on Valentines Day.
I shared that, that day a lot was hitting my spirit. I decided to get all fancy even though I had no where to go that day…why?? Well because for the first Valentines day ever something NEW hit me. And it was ME.
I then declared I LOVE MY HEART!!!! And the overcoming JOURNEY it has been on. That I love the whole thing. All of it.
Tears filled my eyes as I said it, and chose to CELEBRATE it ALL that day.
Why did my eyes fill with tears?
Well I’m 38 years old, still single, never married, and that has been a journey up until recently was filled with SO much confusion, fear, regret, and shame.
I thought I’d always be STUCK there. Knowing my heart was in such a place of confusion, more than anything I didn’t want to be the cause of hurting anyone else. I cared so much about other people, so I stayed single. I didn't want to deeply damage another human being. When I knew that I was struggling and in that place.
That was a journey I use to be so disappointed in myself in, I use to carry so much regret, and shame about the road I had LET myself go on. Despite STAYING single because of the fear of hurting anyone and what I struggled with in secret.
I then shared that now, not only am I in a healed place, but my heart is no longer confused, it’s no longer carrying shame!! Tears were welling in my eyes as I confidently said I LOVE MY JOURNEY and I LOVE MY HEART!!!
A few years ago, that would have been hard to say.
I recently had a conversation with an anonymous friend who I knew from a LONG time ago. We hadn’t talked since, but in messaging I found out that not only had her husband left her, but that he had left her and their children because he was gay.
My heart wanted to weep for my friend. Not because he was gay, but simply for the pain the whole family now faces in simply being broken apart. And it hit me….that could have been me. I could have been the one that HURT so many hearts because I too struggled for SO long with same sex attraction. I could have been the one to hurt others, if I didn’t figure things out FIRST beforehand.
- If that IS you, if you’ve been a part of HURT, if a family has been broken apart (for any reason) - friend, the same God who has forgiven ME for all the things I felt regret or shame in, has already FORGIVEN YOU! -
But for the first time ever, in hearing this friend’s story…I looked to the sky and said “God thank you!!!! Thank you my journey has been what it IS, thank you for every part!! And thank you for walking with me, in every season. Thank you for never leaving me, and thank you for never forsaking me!!!”.
None of this story is to say what the answers were at any point along the way. No journey is the same. And my journey may not be yours.
My only message for you right now is one of HOPE!! Hope that if you do carry anything, like I did...that I believe you CAN get to that place of peace and freedom from it all!
This past Valentine’s Day I shared that for the first Valentines ever…my heart was READY for marriage. It’s ready to be open and honest about everything that I've been through. And it’s no longer in a place of confusion or shame. (that full story will be in book 2 - someday ).
And I can’t wait to give that gift to my future husband.
The gift, that I’ve figured out who I am, and who I’m ready to commit to!
God is so good. I LOVE MY HEART, ALL OF IT!
For 28 days we declared LOVE over different parts of ourselves. Like I did this last Valentines Day, in the story above.
What started as an “I love my body” challenge became for me a month of declaring love and acceptance over who God designed me as!
It was a month of NEW life amidst healing even more in that journey. And it hit me HE KNOWS what we need to heal. And this month He did that through speaking even more LOVE over His design.
We ended those 28 days with our epic leader - Linda - who shared a story about nail polish, and what happened when she heard Yahaveh (God) speak to hear about it. (God used that nudge in her spirit to then bless over a 100 women who came from the sex-trade with being loved on weeks later on a service trip she was on. And here she had been being made fun of for wanting to bring so many bottles on the trip.)
…and it hit me, how amazing and powerful it is not only when we listen to His Voice about how He sees us, but then how He can USE us even more in the lives of others the more we say YES to what He says. The more we come into agreement that we’re going to CHOOSE what He says or what He tells us to do, no matter what any other voice says around us.
And that’s exactly what He designed us to be!
People who listen to His Voice...and then watch what He does!
Man, has getting trained further as a coach helped ME show up even more authentically with the world.
Back in December, it hit ME while getting coached, HOW I wanted to show up for the world.
Getting coached even as a coach, changes everything.
Who’s coaching you? And how do you want to show up for the world?
FEELING STUCK LIKE JEN DID?
Click the link below and let’s hop on a quick call and chat!